Aaron and I have been talking a lot about weddings lately, as it seems that everyone I know is tying the knot this year. I am truly convinced now of the absolute absurdity of the whole business of having a wedding.
Reality shows, such as Bridezillas, thrive on showcasing the downright craziness of it all, and we all laugh and scoff, thinking to ourselves, “Oh, I would never do that.” But the reality (wait, a reality show that’s real? Holy cow!) is that a large number of women will act like that to some extent when planning their big day.
What I fail to understand is why? Ok, maybe it’s not a total fail – I partially understand spending copious amounts of
time planning something, going out of your way to clarify over and over again that you want something a certain way,
and then being grievously disappointed when you see that the outcome isn’t quite what you’d hoped.
What I truly don’t understand is the extreme that women will go to make a wedding day happen just the way they want it, and why “that way” is so… over the top. It seems that, because I don’t want a wedding at all, I’m among a huge minority of women who didn’t grow up dreaming of a fairy tale wedding. Women have put their wedding day onto a huge pedestal, as if it is the only moment in their life worth caring about – and end up spending exorbitant amounts of money in the process.
Call me crazy, but I don’t need to spend $20,000 to get up in front of a crowd of people (who already know that I love this man) and tell Aaron how I adore him. The wedding isn’t for them. So that’s really the first thing... why so many people? Let’s be realistic – weddings are boring as hell, for the most part. Especially when you’re sober. So you can go ahead and cut that list down from 200 guests to 10 – the 10 people who won’t want to stab you with a fork for making them sit through your wedding sans alcohol.
And then there’s a matter of the dress. Ho-lee-shit. Brings me back to memories of the prom and working in retail, hearing 16 year olds crying in the fitting room because the perfect dress just wasn’t there. Give me a break.
All of this was brought on initially by a show on BBC called Don’t Tell The Bride. Dear lord. Basically, the groom is responsible for planning the entire wedding (right down to the dress), and the bride has zero input or knowledge. As I sat there watching this train wreck take place, I kept thinking to myself what a crazy heifer this woman was. Her poor fiancé picked out a lovely dress for her, and she downright refused to wear it, after it had already been altered, paid for, etc. She complained that it was showing too much of her shoulders, demanded to be bought a new dress, and then ended up wearing another strapless dress that was almost the same style. What is that?
I muttered to myself over and over again, “This can only end badly for this man.” And this poor man wedding planned his heart out, trying his best on 14,000 pounds (which is about 22,000 American – more than enough, I’d say). That’s more money than I make every year. And his fiancée still wasn’t pleased.
I ended up talking to one of my girlfriends about this show (one of the ones that’s getting married this year), and upon hearing that the groom was in charge of picking out the bride’s dress, she all but had a conniption fit in the middle of Starbucks – which just drove home my feelings on the subject that much more. What the hell is the big deal?
Did you know that you can't even have a wedding on a beach without paying out the nose for it? You can't just walk out onto a public beach with your JOP and your witness, say your 20 minute "I do"s and go on about your business. No - you have to pay to have somebody who is authorized to be on the beach with you. What?!
“It’s a once in a life time experience” - right. With the divorce rates we see every year, it’s more likely to be a “twice in a life time experience.”
“What about the memories?” Oh, you mean the dress you can never wear again and the wedding video that your husband will probably tape over with his favorite Girls Gone Wild? Sure, those memories are worth it.
“It’s the one day you get to feel like a princess” – hunny, if he doesn’t make you feel like a princess every day of your life, then he is never going to be your prince.
One day of pretty white dresses and tuxedos isn’t anything next to a lifetime spent with the person I love.
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